Well, I’m back from my New York Halloween trip, which was amazing. But you know what? You guys all know what New York looks like. The Halloween parade in New York? Google it. And by now, you’ve seen enough of me in a bad wig to fill a lifetime of nightmares.
So we’re just going to shift gears. And the truth is, I really need to talk about something. I think it’s important that I just get this question out of the way.
Ok, here it is:
Can somebody please explain to me what THIS is?
Ok. I guess I’LL explain what it is. I’ll try.
I was visiting my childhood home this summer, staying in my old bedroom. In my absence, my parents made it into a toy storage facility for their various grandkids. Consequently, the room is now filled with 800 giant pop-up books and stuffed animals with umbrellas and angry finger puppet gloves and other things that I wished would go away. I kept thinking all the stuffed animals might launch themselves off the shelves at 2 AM and kill me in my half-sleep.
I was determined to throw out something- ANYTHING- in order to pretend I had control over the fact that my room was slowly becoming the vortex from Poltergeist. I opted to bin the Keds tennis shoe on top of the TV from 1987. But before I threw the shoe out, I found a flat, smooth rock inside. Apparently, one of my Mom’s friends gave this rock to her as a “present”.
Here, I’ll show it again to make sure you saw it.
Look, I’m sure the rock looked lovely in the gift store. It was probably nestled in with the other rocks that said things like “SMILE” or “SHAME” or “HUG”. Now it was a Shoe Egg that was aggressively thanking me for nothing.
But after I got over being horrified, I jumped over a bunch of emotions and went straight to obsessed. Which is so unlike me.
Bear with me. Yes, on it’s own, it’s a rock with the word “THANKS” on it. But put it next to something, and look!
Now it’s a warm, fun accent piece! And here again….
I didn’t so much ask my Mom for the rock as I just flat out told her that the Thanks Rock and I would now be living together. I took it back to LA and right away the magic started to happen. Here we are “thanking” my Miss Piggy’s Guide to Life Book.
Isn’t it so “Fashion”?
I’m such a Reader.
Here it is in my apartment elevator:
And once again…
I sure was thankful for that information! Here it is next to yet another fine book in my extensive library.
Thanks, Parker Brothers, for “writing” this book about Q*bert, the video game character who goes on a quest to find out why he looks like a nipple.
ANYWAY, with Thanksgiving coming up, the Thanks Rock and I would like to give “Thanks” for things that are great! Like family and friends….but mostly to these battered up VHS tapes.
I’m giving thanks for 3 fine Films: Pulse, Interface, and Star Crystal. Yes, I’d be happy to tell you why.
Let’s start with Pulse.
In Pulse, we get to see 10 year old Joey Lawrence being terrorized by…..um…I think electricity? Something about a house that was possessed by…angry wires? It’s all a little nebulous to me. But it worked because it was 1988. Thanks, Pulse!
Then there’s Interface:
“Interface” is about college students (aka 45 year-olds playing college students) who form their own society, which consists of using computers, killing people they think are evil and making masks out of Reynolds Wrap foil.
There’s this INCREDIBLE scene where they’re all in a computer room yelling at each other in Casio synthesizer voices and saying lines like this:
COOKIE FACE: “Zargon, I beg you. You must end it here.”
ZARGON: (AKA) CREEPY MUMMENCHANZ FACE: “You ask me to finish what you have begun.”
TIN FOIL HEAD: “How long will we hide behind our Curtain of Fantasy? How long will we pretend to fight evil?”
How long, indeed. Thanks, Interface!
And finally, there’s this.
At first glance, one might assume that the above photo is a picture of a glazed Thanksgiving Turkey leg. But NO. It is NOT. It is in fact, a scene from the Sci-Fi Classic, Star Cystal. And that is no turkey leg.
Nope. It’s a slimy, muceous-y, gloppy alien that kills people…. but then wants to be friends! I’m serious. Then he plays board games with the 2 surviving crew members and then a rock love ballad theme plays. This is a shot of him LOOKING OUT A WINDOW into space. Who’s hungry for turkey, now? Thanks, Star Crystal! I won’t have to hit the gym for at least a week because now I can’t eat anything.
I’ll spare you from anything more. But if you can think of anything else to give “Thanks” to, let me know! Thanks!