Oh, my. I had the most disturbing dream last night, where I went back to my hometown of Milwaukee and I had 10 days to see 200 people for Thanksgiving.
But somehow, my friend Chrissy from LA was there. And she kept taking me to the local Kohl’s to buy Vera Wang frocks.
Then, later in the dream, I went to a bar called The Brit Inn.
And and a bunch of people from Milwaukee were there but Chrissy was also there again… and at some point, I sang “Separate Lives” in a karaoke duet with my friend Steve and I was sweating while singing and crying and scarring everyone for life.
Phew! Glad that was just a dream. Oh wait, that all ACTUALLY @#%&*ing HAPPENED.
Yes, I went to Milwaukee. Yes, all of my family/friends from LA were there. Yes, the whole thing was a like a giant fever dream, and yes, I did sing a karaoke duet of “Separate Lives” during a full moon. And I knew 3 words to the song. Two of which were the words “Separate” and “Lives”.
And I did it all while forgetting all of my basic hair products in LA, so that my hair is flat and greasy the entire trip and I looked like this:
See that up there? That’s a Heron Bird. Do you like that, World? Because that is EXACTLY what I looked like while I was there. Now just put a Severus Snape wig on the bird and that’s me SINGING IN PUBLIC AT THE BRIT INN.
Now, I can hear your silent question. “Um, isn’t that what she always looks like?”
And your other question: “Um, didn’t she like singing Separate Lives?”
Absolutely yes! Again, yes. Very much. BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT. The point is…what was my point…
Oh, yeah! The point is that when you’re having a fever dream and it comes true and then you perform a Phil Collins & Marilyn Martin duet in front of innocent people, you should have the decency to bring good hair products or at least get a good demi-perm so that you don’t look like a Pterodactyl with a bob.
Yep. Pretty much that was me except my eyes are smaller. Uncanny!
Was this a blog entry about my Thanksgiving trip to Milwaukee? I can’t remember anymore. Well, I’ll be posting more often now so you aren’t deprived of more pithy and coherent entries like this one. Here’s one more picture of me without hair products to last you for awhile.
Or it might be a still from the movie “Yor”. Seriously, does it really matter at this point? Does it? Well, I’m off to bed to put some salve on this skin condition us lizard/birds get. Goodnight, Phil Collins! And I’d just like to give one last big thanks to my family and friends for a great Thankgiving. And a big thanks to hair products. And thanks to my massive narcissism regarding my appearance! Thanks! I’m welcome!