Archive for October, 2008

Timely Cop

The Election is almost here and we’re all going crazy. So my pal Mikel and I thought we could get our minds off of it by watching the movie Timecop together. How wrong we were.

For for those of you who don’t know, this is Mikel. We do a lot of movie “commenting” together.

Now back to Timecop!

What’s Timecop about? I watched it and I still don’t know. I’m just cutting and pasting what the DVD sleeve from Netflix said:

It’s 1994, and policeman Max Walker (Claude Van Damme) has just watched his wife (Mia Sara) die when their home is blown to bits by criminals…… When Walker goes back in time to stop a corrupt senator, he learns that his wife’s death was actually an attack on him — for something he hadn’t even done … yet.

Well that cleared things up, didn’t it? Ironically, when we just gave up and watched Timecop, we discovered that the movie actually makes sense in the context of time!!!! Why? Because Timecop is JUST LIKE THE 2008 ELECTION.

With that in mind, here are our most significant comments during the film. Read on!

Me: Timecop!

Mikel: Now with bad font.

Me: It is SO HOT in here, isn’t it? Am I screaming?

Mikel: You are screaming, yes….Let’s preface this. It is October, 2008…

Me: October, 2008 TM!

Me: Meanwhile…Washington! The present! Of…1994.

Me: They’re all asking each other for money for Time Travel.

Mikel: That would be like asking for time travel money now!

Me: Yeah! They should travel through time to Fall of 2008. And ask for money. From the GOVERNMENT.

Mikel: God, stop yelling!


Fast forward to Wall Street…..1929! What?

Mikel: Who knew we’d pick the perfect Recession movie?

Lesley: This is SUCH a perfect Recession movie!

So, here’s a bad guy from the future. Of 1994. He’s cheating on the 1929 stockmarket.

And he has a MIDI-player.

Mikel: Is that a MIDI player from 1994?

Lesley: Now use your giant cell phone!

Mikel: Oh, great, Jean Claude Can Damme just walked into 1929.

Lesley: Through a wormhole. He is mad. He does not like these shenanigans.

Mikel: 23 Skidoo! In your face!

Meanwhile, back in…the…future of the…present…? Whatever. Any there’s an election going on. See?

And people couldn’t be more excited. Also, Ron Silver (playing formidable Senator McCombe) is running for president. McCombe is using a government time machine to go back in time and rig the election. No, I don’t know how. Just leave me alone!

Mikel: Really? There’s a guy named MCCOMBE, running for president?

Lesley: I know, right?

Mikel: He’s a real maverick, that MCCOMBE.

Lesley: Both of him!

McCombe did lots of bad stuff earlier….. but then Walker goes back in time to stop him…by having this conversation?

And Ron Silver talks about how Time Travel should be eliminated because the economy is bad.

Mikel: Are you saying you want to regulate things? Because we believe in Time Travel regulating itself. And until Alan Greenspan comes down here and says that he made a colossal error in judgment about Time Travel, then I want you to to shut your hole.

Lesley: We’re still putting Greenspan on the Wormhole Cabinet.

Our political commentary faded out from there. But let me leave you with this final image:

To me, this image represents the split between America’s Democratic and Republican parties. The sharp, painful…uncomfortable…sweaty…split. Well illustrated, Timecop. We as a nation thank you and salute you.

Happy Election Everyone! God Bless America and Vancouver! For Timecop!


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