So I went to get coffee today. There was an 80-something year-old woman at the coffee shop wearing a red Thriller jacket, white pants, and a pageboy wig. And track shoes. As I gazed at her, powerless to look away, it occurred to me that she looked exactly like Emo Philips in this youtube clip.
Then I thought.. “Wait, what if she’s TRYING to be Emo Philips?
Or what if it IS Emo Philips, but with a roller walker, track shoes, a pink Escada shopping bag, and osteoporosis?”
Then….she took out a pair of latex gloves and put them on for no apparent reason. And that’s when I realized that this will be me when I’m 80 if I’m not careful-then I had to leave.
Then I went to the grocery store where there was some standoff going on in the Men’s bathroom, with some guy screaming: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU *#&$ING KIDDING ME? NO *$&#*ING WAY! NO! ARE YOU KIDDING ME???” Which wasn’t the scary part. The scary part was that a crowd was gathering and there was another elderly woman shaking her head about the whole thing. And she turned around and she had huge white frizzy hair in Pippi Longstocking pigtails.
I don’t have a photo for that. There IS no photo for that.
Yeah, so Emo Philips with a hump, Screaming Guy, and old Pippi Longstocking. I’m not going out anymore without wearing a helmet. Or at all.